Making Crayons

We have many broken crayons that kids don't want to use any more.

I think they are such a waste not being used. But, I have to agree that they are no longer fun to use.

So, I thought there might be some way to change the shape. As I searched the web, I found many people posting ways to recreate crayons.

The easiest way was this one.

1. remove the wraps around the crayons.

2. Reshape the rinsed off cans so that they would have spouts.

3. Put the crayons in the can. The can will go in electric frying pan with water set just above "warm". Water will create small bubbles, but not boiling!
*This is the chocolate molds I purchased in Japan. I bought this and two others. Silicons ones are super easy! This one has star shape, heart shape, and shell shape.

4. Crayons start to melt. Stir frequently.

I let my daughters pick what crayons to go in. Well... They will all turn green... This was an experiment for her!
5. Using the oven mitt, pour the melted crayons into the molds.
6. Ta Da!! New crayons are made!

Well, this was fun. But, I think we will stick with one color at a time from next time.

When Potty Training Becomes More Challenging...

I had potty trained one child.

She was relatively easy to potty train, and just took a little longer to be trained for poop. She went completely diaper free when she was 3 years and 1 month.

Now, I am training my youngest, and it is CHALLENGING.
She is extremely stubborn. And, a little speech delay is not helping to communicate.

I have tried:
- cute potty with her favorite character
- bribe (she loves sweets, so M&Ms have been her treat for successful peeing in toilet)
- cute training pants (I like Japanese training pants with more absorbency and they come in kids favorite characters)
- posters on bathroom wall to explain potty procedure (they are illustrations I pulled off from internet)


I learned that kids personalities and characters have A LOT to do with potty training.
While my oldest was motivated to go pee in toilet by giving her stickers on her "good job, you did pee/poop in toilet" chart, my youngest has no interest in such an activity. She looks at me like, "so what?".
That is why I used food to motivate. The oldest asked me, "did I get sweets for reward, too?" When I answered honestly, she was quite unhappy saying "that is not fair!"

Also in her case, motivating with "you can go to school if potty trained" or "you can wear pretty underwear if potty trained" is out of options because she can care less about these or she has no comprehension when I explain those things.

But, we as parents have to do what works for each child.

However, food attraction has not overcome her stubbornness. Now, we are at the place where she does not care if she gets her treat or not, she does not mind being uncomfortable in wet training pants, and I am running out of option. It is almost as if she realizes that I am trying to potty train her when things start to go well. That is when her stubbornness kicks in and tells her brain saying, "hey, your mom is trying to change something that you are totally fine as is."

I really like her to be potty trained so that she can start school in the fall. It will help her speech and social skill big time if she can start.

Still, my friends are giving me some ideas to try. I am willing to try anything after carrying around two to three extra sets of clothes and training pants, having "accidents" in the bookstore, even poop.

Travel Diary 5 - Getting Sick

Sickness does not take vacation even if you are on vacation.

We have had our share of sickness on vacation stories, and this trip was no exception so far.
I must admit though what we have experienced so far on this trip is not the worse so far.

The girls and I flew thinking we had mild allergy symptoms. And, I think we really did.
But, that somehow turned to cold and I was having a terrible cold symptoms. Thanks to Benadryl at night and Sudafed and Ibuprofen, I got through the first week of our stay in Japan and got over the cold relatively quickly.

However, I got something else...

Pink Eye.

Really.

I had not had pink eye for many many years. Probably since I was a child. It was so bad that my eye did not open one morning (probably around 4th day here) that I had to go to an eye doctor. Good thing that my parents purchased health insurance for us during our stay.

As I went in to the eye doctor, I was immediately separated from the other patients because it could be very contagious.
After waiting for an hour, the nurse swabbed inside of my eye lid (more like scrubbing!) to test if that was viral. It turned out it was not, so I was prescribed antibiotic eye drop and oral medication.

All of the bill from doctor's office and Rx costed only 9700 yen which should be about $100. That is without insurance! I love how affordable Japanese health care is. I must add that the nurses/doctor was sympathetic that I had to pay that much out of pocket since my insurance will reimburse later. You kidding?? This is inexpensive comparing to what we would have to pay in US for not having insurance.

My health problem did not end there for this trip. While I was staying in Tokyo for the weekend, I had food poisoning.
I spent a good hour in the hotel bathroom...


However, I must say the worst medical experience we have had during the trip was my youngest daughter's stomach flu.
It was when she was about 18 months old.
She started throwing up and having diarrhea non stop. She would not take anything and got dehydrated.
Her temperature was close to 40 degree (is it about 105??), and she was limp.
We took her to a pediatrician here in Japan, and she got an IV one day and another one the next day to be hydrated. She did not even fight to get the needle in which was very abnormal for her.
Thanks to the hydration and good rest, she bounced back quickly and in 4 days she was almost back to normal with high energy.
The pediatrician bill with two visits with two IV and anti nausea Rx..... less than 17000 yen (= less than $200) without insurance!


Even with sickness, we always manage to get things done and enjoy the stay in Japan.
We spend a lot of money for flying here. So, sickness won't stop us!

This is the photo from Shinkansen between my pink eye and food poisoning...

Travel Diary 4 - Always full of surprises

The latest adventure has been the trip from Portland to Japan a few days ago.

Initially scheduled to fly out on June 23rd, we arrived at Portland International Airport with 3 check-in suitcases and three bags of carry-ons. Fortunately, since we have been flying a lot for the last two years, we are silver and gold members with the airline and we get to line up at the priority section!!

Soon we find out that out flight was delayed for 3 hours. Grandma who gave us a ride to the airport had to leave right away for work, so three of us killed the 2 hours + 3 hours (delayed) at the airport. It is not a good thing to spend so much time at the airport with two little bored kids. We ended up buying ridiculous toys that we would normally purchase. Good for airport economy and bad for my wallet. Still they created a couple of happy kids.

At near 5 pm when we were scheduled to finally fly out, we boarded the plane and waited and waited. Finally announcement came explaining that the delay was caused by a mechanical problem and them trying to fix it. She kept on explaining that they thought they fix that with a new part, but the part turned out to be faulty; thus, the flight was canceled and no one was flying out today.

We deplaned, went to check-in counter to rebook. They created another flight to carry all of the passengers to Tokyo the following morning, since there was no way they could rebook all the full flight passengers to an existing flight. We were told to come back no later than 7 am next day with the original boarding passes. Those who don't have places to stay got hotels overnight.

We went home for another night. Slept and got up early to make it to the airport by 7 am. Thanks to grandma who gave us a ride to the airport again, we made it in time to only find out that the new flight was delayed again to 10:30 am...

We killed more time at the airport, this time mostly at the play structure. I was not about to spend more money on ridiculous toys at concourse. We boarded the plane and finally around 11:10 am we took off to Narita!

We, some of the passengers, got to know each other well since we saw each other two days straight. When we landed at Narita, cheering and clapping could be heard. We were happy to be finally arriving in Tokyo.

Then another road bump for me; 7 hour layover at Narita. We normally have 2 hour layover which is perfect with bathroom visit with two kids and getting to the next gate. Since our new flight from Portland arrived way too early and only flight to my home town is in the evening, we had to spend so much time at Narita.

We were in good spirits, checking out stores in the concourse, eating at Japanese McDonald, and play at the kids' area.
My oldest befriended with young couple who thought she was cute. When they walked away saying bye to her to catch their flight, she told me, "mommy, I think they are boyfriend and girlfriend..." So, I asked her, "Do you want to go on a trip with M (her favorite boy from her class) when you are older?" She answered, "Yes."

But, they only had so much energy to last. When we had only minutes to wait there, they fell asleep on the chairs.
Well, I want to give them A+ for being such good travelers.

So, about 24 hours later than originally planned, we made it to my parents' house. Totally exhausted, but the kids were happy to see grandpa and grandma.

Travel Diary 3 - Night Terror on Board

My youngest has had night terrors several times. Not frequent enough to bother us on daily basis or even weekly basis, but when it occurs, it seems to happen in the most inconvenient places.

Two of the times were on the plane.

The first time was on the plane coming back from Japan. Though most of the recent long distance travels have been just three of us (the girls and I), the first time of her night terror on board was when we were flying with my husband. She was 18 months old.

We took turns to console her toward the back of the aircraft where it seemed less bothersome to have a crying baby. A lot of people threw us sympathetic look as if it must be a typical thing to fly with a baby. It was unusual for her to have a night terror since she only had maybe 10 total in her short life time so far. This was about the time when we began to see the tendency of her night terror: it happens when she is extremely tired.

The second time was more difficult yet shorter. I was flying with the girls from Atlanta to Portland, and when the plane started to decent and prepare for landing, she started having a night terror. We had figured by then that her favorite tune/dvd sound seemed to break her free from night terror, however, all the electronics had to be put away for landing. We all had to be strapped in our seat, no electronics allowed, and a screaming 3-year-old. One young guy sitting in front of me kept turning as if he was checking to see if I was torturing her!!

So, she kept screaming and crying with her eyes shut for the rest of the flight about 20 minutes, and then as soon as the lights were turned back on after landing, she was broken free from the spell like nothing happened. The passengers looked pretty relieved to arrive the destination safely, but more relieved to have relief from the screaming child.

When I went through this, I felt like I can get through any incident on board. Once, I was vomited on by my oldest daughter when she was a little over a year old. Well, traveling with kids can be very eventful, but later in life, we can always tell those stories as a fond memory.

(Positive thinking in effect!!!)

New Avid Reader

I was not much of a book reader in high school though I remember I went to library weekly with my mom and borrowed a few books at a time.

When I finished college here in US and I no longer had to read textbooks which took a lot longer than most native speakers would, I started reading books mostly on my commute in the bus. I love fiction mostly, but also tried biography, history etc.

Another break from reading after having babies. Just too tired to read something long enough to remember story and characters. Now the youngest is 3, I started reading again about a year ago when I realized that I had more time to myself.

My Japanese friends who come and visit our place are surprised to see my books because those are in English. Most of my Japanese friends still read books in Japanese though they live here in US. For some reasons, I feel more comfortable reading in English though I still pick some books and read them in Japanese occasionally. I would say 95% of my books are in English.

I even read English books translated in English. One of my favorite authors is Haruki Murakami, but I have not yet read his book in Japanese!

So, I realized this is something I should try: Read my favorite Japanese authors in Japanese and see how I feel different about them.

The first to try is a book called "Out" by Natsuo Kirino. I recently got hooked on another book of hers called "Grotesque", wanted to read another one, and bought "Out" in English at Powell's. Then, my friend who saw "Grotesque" in English at my place lend me "Out" in Japanese thinking I might be interested.

Now I have two "Out", US version and Japanese version. I will be curious to see what I feel about the books when I read them.
Soon, I will try Murakami, too.

Traveling Diary 2 - missing daughter on board

Missing 22 months old at 35,000 feet?!

My daughters have always been good sleeper. I have heard some of my friends' kids never sleeping on the plane, but that was never been the case for my girls.

When my youngest was 22 months old and the oldest was 4, we went to Japan.

The oldest was already potty trained, and the youngest was still in diaper. So, whenever the oldest has to go to bathroom on the plane, we all went. When I had to change the youngest daughter's diaper or I had to go to the bathroom, I either left the oldest at her seat occupied with something or took with us to bathroom.

There was a time both of them were asleep and I had to go to the bathroom. I held it for a while which I am used to now a days after having kids, but could not wait any more. Noticed the both of the girls were asleep and the lavatory was vacant, I decided to leave them where they were and and just to to the lavatory 10 feet away without asking flight attendants for assistance. I thought, "It will be only a minute. They are good sleeper, so it should be fine."

One minute later when I came back refreshed, the youngest daughter who was asleep flat on two seat were GONE. The oldest was still asleep leaning against the back and arm rest, and had not move a bit. I began to panic a little, and moved a little forward on aisle to get closer to our seat in the dark.

Then, I found the youngest still asleep on the floor right in front of our seats. She must have fallen from the seats and still remained asleep. I knew there was no way she would be able to go missing in the plane.

Since then, even if they are both asleep, I decide to ask flight attendant to watch them while I go to lavatory. Even when I know I will be back in a minute.

Giving up the Best Strawberries

I have huge passion for food. That sounds wonderful, but in other words, I love to eat. And, I eat like a vacuum. My oldest daughter had told me that in the past.

She knows my favorite food: Strawberries.

This time of the year, we have wonderful strawberries here in Oregon.

Almost every week, we buy them at farmer's market.

This one is from a Tuesday farmer's market at OHSU. I bought 3 pints at Saturday farmer's market and by Sunday morning, the three containers were empty!! So, it was unplanned, but I replenished with the ones from Tuesday farmer's market.

Knowing how much I love strawberries, I was sort of surprised to say that I hardly ate any of the strawberries from farmer's markets. The girls did! This is another sign of being a mom; give up your favorite food so your kids can have them.
Seeing the kids happy faces with red mustache is all worth of giving up the best strawberries around here :)

Eating What I Grew

My balcony has been full of spring with flowers blooming and vegetable and herb growing.

The gold medal goes to Mizuna. It has been growing like crazy!

This is from mid April about a few weeks after we planted the seeds.

Two weeks after that, it looked like this.



Now it looks even more bushy than the last photo.

Tonight, I cooked pasta with bacon and some vegetables like green pepper, tomato, onion from grocery store AND mizuna, herbs (basil, rosemary, and sage) from my garden!



Yum.....

Travel Diary - Story from my success (so far)

I have traveled with my two kids to Japan and across the US several times now.

Now I have many experiences under my belt, I am not so worried about the long trip with the kids alone.

We have scheduled the next trip in late June, and are looking forward to spending early (humid) summer in Japan... Seriously!

Here are some tips from me and why my trips have been successful so far!

1. Thanks goodness for the oldest who is a morning person.

She does not mind being woken up at the end of the long flights usually middle of the night Oregon time. With her sleepy eyes half open, she pulls her own carry-on suitcase full of toys, books, change of clothes (for accident) and blanket for herself and her little sister without much of complaining.

She is a trooper and awesome traveler.

2. Bathroom trips can be tough but can be done.

At airports, three of us all get in the wheelchair stall and take turns. "Taking turns" mean just the oldest and me. Then, we change the youngest diaper (until she is potty trained whenever that would be....)

We used to use stroller for traveling but now it is actually easier without.

On the plane, bathroom trip can be case by case. If I have to go and the kids are asleep, ask a flight attendant to watch them for a few minutes. If they are awake, we all usually end up going together or the oldest might stay at her seat entertain herself. But, the youngest has to come with me as long as she is awake. If the oldest have to go, we all go. NO QUESTION ABOUT THIS ONE.

3. Food (planning ahead for the 10+ hour trip)

I always bring some snack/fruit etc. Fruit always have to be disposed before entering another country, but still sounds healthier than junk food that comes in plastic bag. Rice balls have been very filling and good traveling food.

4. Last resort - Portable DVD player

The NW flight used to be equipped with on demand system. However, since they are aquired by Delta, the aircraft they use for the Portland-Narita does not have on demand system. We are stuck to watch the same movie at the same time with the rest of the passengers in the coach cabin. So, when the kids are just restless and bored, the portable DVD player has been a hero. It is better to have quiet kids on the plane without surrounding passengers giving you dirty looks and you are going crazy than worried about how much they are watching TV. My own sanity to last the whole trip is more important.

These are MY own secrets for success.

Soon, I think I will write funny stories from our experiences...

Expedition to Farmer's Market ALONE!

PSU farmer's market has open for this year since a few weeks ago, and I could not wait to go.

The only problem is the kids. My oldest is very helpful, but sometimes very demanding and dramatic. More problem is the youngest who has super strong will and very physical and loves to run away from me all the time. So, today was a test. How much can I handle???

First, we bought very sweet strawberries. They started eating them while we look around. That was totally fine with me, and I thought they were cute.

Then, we bought two different kinds of cheese. We love the cheese we bought last week, so we went back for more. They kept sampling, sampling, and sampling...

Here is what started to go down a little.

The youngest and I decided to eat a crape. It turned out she only wanted to eat whipped cream. I ate most of the rest. Then, the oldest want a breakfast sandwich. Pine State Biscuit has breakfast sandwich, and I could tell from the long line that they must be good. I decided to wait in line with two kids. I must have been crazy. The oldest might behave, but the youngest? Of course, she ran away from me like she always does. Did I think she would wait in line with us? Of course not. I made the oldest wait in the line as I went to grab the screaming child who wanted to run some more. Finally, we got to order, but the wait was another 5-10 min. So, the kids wondered around the trees and climbing some of them during the wait. Near the end of the wait, we went closer to Pine State Biscuit and made the oldest go up to them when they called her name. The guy refused to give her food because she was a child. She kept telling him "that is me. that is my food!" I had to yell out from 10 yard away "Yes, that is hers!!"

Finally, the oldest is somewhat happy with her breakfast sandwich, but that did not last long. After a few bites, she dropped the whole thing on the ground!! She is very upset and tears coming her cheeks saying "I wanted to have patty!" I salvaged the part that did not touch the ground; egg and bacon, and gave them to her.

Now, we want to look around some more but the youngest still refused to leave the tree area. She rather climbed the tree and fences than look around the market... I once again grab the screaming child, and when she gave up, I put her down and made her walk. Now, she was calmer and we got to see and shop some flowers. Before we left, the kids tried art booth that were there for the earth week. They got to make ladybugs using recyclable material (egg carton).

I am not traumatized from the expedition. I might give a try next week, again.

Portland Food Carts

The last three days, I have visited food carts on SW Alder and 10th. Full of great food at great price! I became a fan of Food Carts Portland on Facebook recently to get updates.

The last Tuesday, I tried Chicken and Rice from Nong's Khao Man Gai. The long line was good indication, so it must be good. $6 for that was not expensive at all. What a wonderful meal! The spicy sauce on chicken and rice.... Yum!

Yesterday, I wanted to try Thai food, so my choice was Sawasdee Thai Food. I have been a HUGE fan of green curry, so I decided to give a try here.

I must say the curry was great but it would have been even better if it was on jasmine rice instead of steamed short grain rice. Slightly on the spicy side even ordered as mild, but great flavor.

Today's choice was Vietnamese food. Forgot the name of the cart, but the line was moderate. I translate that as neither good or bad, just average maybe?

Ordered chicken noodle pho. Quantity was more than enough. Again, never been disappointed with food carts when you are only paying so little.

We walked to a new park area west of Fox Tower and ate there the last two days.

AND, we found a food cart that we should try there.

The name is Violetta; only use local (Washington and Oregon) organic food to make their things on menu! I got to try a potato chip and it was delicious.

There are countless food carts here in this city, and I am just getting started!

Avoid Handmade (for now)

I love handmade. They are unique and always have some personal touch to the products.

Living in Portland is great for handmade lovers like me. But, it certainly hits hard my bank account. I enjoy Saturday Market, and recently my friend introduced me to First Thursday in Pearl District which was almost like mini Saturday Market. We must have spent about $250 in the last month and half by going to these events. As much as we love and use the things we bought, we need to cut back and control ourselves on expenditure at these places.

But, we decided to go back last Sunday when it was nice out.

With one goal. "WE WILL NOT BUT ANYTHING"

We went there to eat the vender food, so excluding that, we did not buy ANYTHING. So, our will was strong.

Then, we went to Rose Garden where the kids can run around (for free) and then the playground (again for free).

What a great way to spend Sundays. I love it when we get to have fun and it does not cost anything!

I must avoid handmade for now, but I cannot stay away from them forever.

Out at the Tulip Festival

Tulip is one of my favorite flowers.

I have known about the tulip festival for a while and have not missed since my oldest daughter "Big H" was 1 year old.
The last year was one of the unforgettable: Visited with three old Japanese ladies (my mom and two aunts) and it was definitely a different experience than the others. More time in gift shop than out looking at flowers because 1. it was "too cold", 2. they LOVE nik-naks sold at gift shops. I know for the fact their houses are full of nik-naks.



It was a cool but the only dry day in this week. Taking advantage on weekday (less crowded and less expensive parking) and enjoyed the visit. "Little H" seemed more interested in playing in mud, and entertained us a lot. Something "Big H" would have never have done at that age.

And, only when we were leaving, we realized her favorite toy "Sponge Bob" had vanished from her hand, somewhere in the huge tulip field. I searched while "little H" was distracted by ice cream, but no luck. The Sponge Bob was long gone...

"Little H" cried herself to sleep longing for her tiny yellow friend...

Growing

Once I killed a cactus. Who can kill a cactus? It hardly requires water, yet I killed it.

My excuse for killing it was that I was oversea for about 40 days, and never bothered to ask my parents whom I was living with at that time to care for the poor plant.

Again in college, I was unsuccessful to care for two potted plants. After that, I was called "Plant Killer."

Now 12 years later, I decided to give another try. I have tried potted flowers as well as vegetables. Had not tried many at the same time, and seems to be working. Now, I have Mizuna just sprouting in a big planter, another planter waiting for Shiso to be transplanted once they are ready indoor, a couple of pots with herbs, and more flowers in different sizes of pots on my tiny balcony. Everyday is exciting to see the changes in the plants and to observe the small growth they have made in a day.

Once a plant killer, not always a plant killer. And, I hope that is true...

Creating

I had never being a creative person as growing up. My art class grades were always around B- or C+, not good enough to be an artist or bad enough to have to repeat the class. My painting was picked once for an award in 6th grade, and I was thinking "what just happened?" That was totally unexpected.

But, becoming a mother changes everything. I don't know if it actually changes EVERYTHING, but it certainly changes several things for me. I started creating.

Sewing...

I learned sewing as a little girl. I was an only girl in the family and youngest. So, my mom spoiled me making skirts and dresses for me when I was little. I watched her make them, wore them, and tried sewing with her sewing machine.

However, most of my sewing experience came in junior high when we all had to take home economics class and learned how to use sewing machine. The basics. Since then, sewing was lost for a long long time.

That is until when I had my oldest daughter 6 years ago. I borrowed my mother-in-law's 30 plus year-old sewing machine and made my baby girl a crib bumper, pillow cases, drapes etc. Then, baby girl number 2 arrived. More drapes, pillows, crib bumper, crib skirt, then eventually the girls matching tops, skirts, bags, bibs and more. My husband gave me an nice sewing machine one christmas and quit using the old sewing machine whose pedal gets really hot as I sew.

My hobby expanded enough to share with strangers by having a shop online. It is a tiny business, but what a great feeling to hear customers happy with my creation. Especially when customers come back again and again and again. I guess B- in art class does not have to tell me what I am capable of. After all, I got C and C- constantly in English classes in high school, and look at me now, I live in US!!!

"Beauty" of Motherhood

These are some things we "mothers" get to do.

1. wake up almost the same time every morning without the alarm.

2. clean up a training pants with poop thinking "I wish I could just throw them away..."

3. answer millions of questions coming from preschoolers mouth from "are babies born with clothes on?" to "what is the difference between DNA and RNA?"

4. try to figure out how to sneak vegetables in meals without kids noticing them.

5. eat with one hand while holding a newborn with the other.

6. eat in 5 minutes without tasting anything.

7. "Don't" get to push elevator buttons any more.

8. step on small plastic toys in the dark.

9. have the "pouch" after having kids and being asked by kids' friends "are you having a baby soon?"

10. order/make one serving of meal thinking I could share with my daughter and end up not being enough

AND order/make two servings thinking that would be enough for me and my daughter and she hardly touches her food.

Here are some things that I, "the hybrid mom" get to do.

1. realize my kindergartener's english pronunciation is getting far better than mine.

2. try to balance the exposures to each culture my children have, especially the languages without upsetting neither of grandparents.

3. find reliable information on good sales, restaurants, schools, and events from other hybrid moms. This network information is more suitable for me than other sources.

4. enjoy what Americans do such as having a huge birthday party for your own child.

5. learn to deal with long trips back home with little kids. Going to airplane lavatory with two small children hovering in the tiny space is nothing!

6. and learn to ignore those dirty looks when my child screams on the plane thinking to self "I will never see these people in my life again."

7. get used not to be humiliated when my kindergartener makes some rude but innocent comment in English in US and in Japanese when in Japan.

8. laugh at myself still when I mis-pronounce "l" and "r". I am still a typical Japanese who learn English later in life. "Would you like some peanut butter and Jerry?"

9. Not have to deal Japanese in-laws.

10. cannot answer a question like "how do you say that in your native language?" because I have been here long enough and start use the English word even among the hybrid moms. How do we say "share" in Japanese? I don't know...

Capacity of Love

When I was about have my second child, I was worried whether I was capable of loving this new baby as much as my first born. My best friend who also has two children and I recently talked about the fear we both had. But, the truth is that we never had to worry about loving the second child any less. I never knew exactly what happen to "my love" that I thought I had to divide into two children.

Then, the friend put in the very easy context that I can understand.

"Love expands." You don't divide your love. Capacity of your loving someone expands when someone important comes into your life. You don't love your existing loved one any less because of the new arrival. Your capacity of loving someone expands to accommodate the new arrival. That is true not only having a new baby but also having new friends and anyone special in your life.

My capacity of loving others expanded. And, it will keep growing.

Guilt - Balance of Individuality and Responsibility

Center of my mother's world was her children - me and my two brothers. She devoted her time to us and nothing else. She did not go out with her friends, and her socialization was limited to her neighbors, other school parents and her sisters. When we grew older and she began to have more time to herself, she tried to find hobby. She was not very interested in anything in particular, and tried many things but never stuck to one thing.

My oldest brother was 6 years older than me, but three of us got married in less than 2 years. Since my middle brother was still living with my parents until he got married (which is very common in Japan), once we all got married, my mom was left alone. My father works late coming home 1 am every night, so she was truly lonely and alone. No hobby, no kids, and only things left to her was her cat and tv. She went into deep depression and did not want to talk with me for about a year because I was the least obedient child of her (I left Japan and married a "white boy" against her will).

After living in US, I learned that importance of individuality. Though you become mom, you are still individual and allowed to be who you are aside from the time you have to be responsible to your children. Watching my mom for the 20 years I was raised in Japan, I learned how much I was supposed to devote my time to my children.

If I do what my mother did to my children, I would be destructive to my "self"; I would lose my identity, not take care of myself, and put a lot of pressure on my children to meet MY expectation because I sacrifice my "self" to them. Since my mom invested so much time to me and my brother, she became very unhappy whenever we did not meet her expectation.

This is a very hard challenge for me. Who do I need to please? I need to devote all of my time to my children to please my mom so that I can be a traditional Japanese mom. If I do that, my American family (husband and mother-in-law) and eventually I and then my children will be disappointed because I will no longer be an individual. What I know is what my mom did for her children. It seems selfish to seek my individuality while being a mom.

The balancing of the two will be my goal. What can I do? Being a Japanese mom in US is certainly a challenge and confusing.

Miyazaki movies and my daughters

I saw my first Miyazaki movie in high school. I think it was in freshman homeroom class, when Mrs. H decided it would be fun to watch one of Miyazaki movies "Nausicaa." My family was never a big movie watcher, and watching movie was refreshing experience. To add to that, I know this is sort of disgrace that I had not watched most of Miyazaki movies until my 20's.

Years later from my first Miyazaki movie experience, now I own most of his movies in DVD. It must be like Disney movies to American families, but what a joy to share those movies with my daughters. Miyazaki's movies have deep messages in the stories, yet simply enjoyable to any generations.

My favorite to watch with my daughters are Ponyo and Totoro, the cute stories and nothing really violent in them. Spirited away and Mononoke are also wonderful, but I will wait to show Mononoke to my daughters until they are a little older.

Recently, I realized that "Little H" has been repeating the lines from Ponyo. She says "Ponyo, Sosuke Suki!" (Ponyo likes Sosuke!), and "Ponyo, Ningen ni Naru!" (Ponyo will become human.) Though this is just repeating words, it is impressive for her who is speech delay to talk in sentences. She now sleeps with a Ponyo plush toy.

Home

We moved into a high rise near downtown a few weeks ago. Having lived in suburb and been tired of it, this was a perfect move for us. Looking at the river and even steady stream of cars on I5 is so soothing. All these cars and trucks, they are trying to get someplace.

I lived in the south for a little while. We lived in a small house not too far from downtown, but the city itself was not that big from my standard, there was not much to downtown. After living in Portland so many years and being spoiled here, it was really hard to fit in the small city in the south. I was the one to move to the US away from Japan, but still enjoyed Japanese connection that I can maintain in Portland. Community, school, and food. There was close to nothing in the southern city for me. I missed it very much. And, the city living. I grew up in a big city and lived in Portland for many years. I missed that too.

Nothing wrong with the south. It's just that it was not for me. It did not provide what I needed. I did not feel invited or welcomed. Maybe because it was the small town, or maybe because that is the southern culture. Who knows? Could be my state of mind. Just that it was not for me.

I feel very much home here in Portland. This is my home. No matter wherever we move, I know I will be back here.

Who am I?

Well, I am hybrid. I was born and raised in Japan, but now have lived in US for over 15 years. Have two kids who are "hybrid" and I drive hybrid cars. I am not quite a 100% Japanese any more and I will never been a 100% American. (What is 100% American, anyway?) If I try to describe myself that way, I must be floating somewhere near Hawaii (geographically between Japan and mainland US). What a great place to be, right? Well not always and that can be confusing.

As much as it is confusing, I thought I should enjoy being a "hybrid."

I recently bought two t-shirts saying "Octagon, Hexagon, Oregon" and "Tree Hugger" at Saturday Market. Have you seen a Japanese hippie? I love recycling! I have not made my own compost, but that might be next.

You know how funky Japanese people dress? Well, I don't do that, but my kids started to. Have to love those "hybrid" kids.

Those are the reason, I chose the title. I thought I share my life as a hybrid mom with whoever might be interested in. Welcome to my world!